Courage to be Accountable


I’ve decided to put a wall mirror in my meditation room. Nothing fancy. Just something I can gaze at to reinforce my accountability.


I’m remembering years ago my friend Kay and I would practice gazing at each other, allowing our eyes to soften and lose focus. Our goal was to experience the faces of our many past lives, what we looked like.


In a quiet, meditative space, we sat across from each other. Nothing happened at first. Sometimes we would giggle because it seemed silly what we were doing. We stayed steady and eventually we both experienced different faces. It was scary at first and I breathed through it. Faces merged into other faces, sometimes a man, sometimes a woman. It was a bit mind-blowing.


I couldn’t feel anything. I stayed present in the experience realizing this experience was bigger than my mind knew what to do with.


Yesterday during reflections, I was reminded of an old aphorism, “You are a soul. You have a body.” I wrote the words out on five different postcards and placed them throughout the house.


I AM A SOUL. I HAVE A BODY


I created this subliminal message to remind me that my body, the vessel I inhabit in this life right now is temporary. My soul is steady and lives on in many vessels through many lifetimes.


I just finished reading a fabulous, mind-bending book entitled The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. A contemporary fantasy fiction, here’s a quote:


“Between life and death there is a library, and within that library, the shelves go on forever. Every book provides a chance to try another life you could have lived. To see how things would be if you had made other choices . . . Would you have done anything different, if you had the chance to undo your regrets?”

I believe in me. Every day I practice believing in me more. I want to gaze in the mirror and feel true alignment no matter what emotion I feel. I choose to be present with all my emotions. I need practice staying with the painful ones.


“You already have all the answers you will ever need inside of you—and your emotions are a primary vehicle for those answers. Learning the language of your feelings will give you your own personal Sherpa through life.” -- Amber Adrian, in How to Feel Your Feelings and What That Will Do for Your Life (Everything!)

My emotional expressions come in all varieties including the difficult ones - fear, anger and shame. I want to witness my gentle soul steady with my physical body. I want to feel acceptance and love. I’ll use the windows of my soul to see me. I want to feel alignment. I am not alone. There is a greater plan than what my mind can figure out. There’s a greater plan at work in every life on this planet. It takes courage to be accountable.


Breaking Surface

By Mark Nepo


Let no one keep you from your journey,

no rabbi or priest, no mother

who wants you to dig for treasures

she misplaced, no father

who won’t let one life be enough,

no lover who measures their worth

by what you might give up,

no voice that tells you in the night

it can’t be done.


Let nothing dissuade you

from seeing what you see

or feeling the winds that make you

want to dance alone

or go where no one

has yet to go.


You are the only explorer.

Your heart, the unreadable compass.

Your soul, the shore of a promise

too great to be ignored.


Participants’ Reflections:

  • Thank you for your words and your wisdom. It feels good to be here. I had a similar experience of seeing faces. I was at a workshop with Robby Gass. We went around the circle and looked at people and said I love you to each other. I started seeing—it wasn’t past lives, but everyone I love in this life—their faces would transform. And I don’t think I’ve ever shared that before. I’m concerned about sharing experiences like that. It’s like Jean Houston says, you can go back to a moment and you can add energy to it. I don’t usually feel safe talking about experiences like that and I want to thank you. I feel safe sharing it here. I know it will be held in love and it’s okay to share it. So thank you. I want to acknowledge that this is my favorite time of the year, when the leaves are opening and the Earth is waking up.

  • I think bathing yourself in the waking up energy is a wonderful thing. I know about the courage it takes to share experiences like this and I acknowledge that work. Thank you. I can feel your emotions and it is touching.

  • I have not had the experience of seeing faces but I have done past life work with Dr. Brian Weiss, a guru and expert on it. Also with Denise Linn who comes from her Native American tradition. It left me in awe of experiences I have had in this lifetime because it held the energy of previous lifetimes. I was a messenger in a previous life and in this lifetime. I played out the energy of being a messenger. My experience was always of empowerment to understand the lessons from the previous lifetimes, and how I can pull up that energy even now. I’ve made decisions in this lifetime based on experiences from previous lives without realizing what I was doing. There is no time and there is no space. We can only borrow from those lessons and also understand some of the challenges we have in our current lifetime. Thank you for bringing me back to that. Now is a time in this lifetime as we come out of Covid. We can change the energies of the past and of this lifetime. Thank you for sharing. I take the risk in sharing this.

  • Thank you. You reminded me of an experience I had some years ago. I took a trip to Thailand, and after a day of walking, I was physically exhausted and in pain. In the car back to our hotel, our driver said that I must have done something terrible in my past life. He was saying it’s a karmic thing. He told me it’s my own fault because I was terrible in a past life and I deserved this. I didn’t take offense because I can respect other people’s beliefs. But I wonder about that. Did I do something terrible to someone?

  • That’s an example of someone’s fear and handing it off to someone else. It can be viral.

  • That’s the same kind of experience that I’ve had when someone, in whatever religious faith, tells me something that doesn’t ring true to me, but they believe it in their faith. It’s hard to figure out the truth because I don’t want to connect it up with a whole system of belief. The bottom line is, is it my truth? Do I own it?

  • I’ve learned that people speak from their own agenda and their own experiences. Even if it sounds like they are talking about you. Even if it sounds like they are asking you questions about you. It’s really about them.

  • On the day of my daughter’s celebration of life service, afterwards a man came up to me citing his experiences with death and the journey of the soul. He wanted to help my daughter in her journey to reach the other side successfully. He explained the 40-day commitment and his willingness to give me comfort with her safe journey. I felt so empowered and aligned after my daughter’s service, and I had no doubt of her journey after this life. I thanked him and told him she doesn’t need any help getting to the other side. I appreciate his practice and belief system, and I had no doubt she’s already there. I felt his true intentions were based on fear and knew I could choose fear too about her passing. I didn’t accept it. It was a genuine offer and also an energy exchange. I never regretted the decision. I believed it with all my heart.

  • Thank you for this reading. There’s a lot to think about and reflect on. I haven’t had the experience you spoke of. I loved the line ‘to feel true alignment no matter what emotion I am feeling.’ That is the goal, to stay centered no matter what people are saying, no matter what feelings I’m having—to stay aligned with myself and not get off track. In Southern California, there is a bike path along the beach. And I love the metaphor of staying on that bike path no matter what’s happening around me. I appreciate your words. I also read that book “Midnight Library”. It’s a good lesson on finding yourself no matter what is happening.

  • Thank you. I remember once someone said that I must have been really bad in my past life because of what I am going through. I let it bother me for a while because I did question whether it was true. I don’t want to be a terrible person. I don’t know what you mean that it’s about someone putting their fear on me.

  • I’ve had someone say that to me. He said I had so much pain and loss in my life, I must have done something terrible in a past life. I was so angry when he said that. I started thinking I’m to blame for everything happening in my life. It took me some time to release it. I think it’s from the strict father model of punishment for doing something wrong. It’s all based on fear. In contrast, in all the experience I’ve had dealing with the energy world, it’s all based on love. There is no fear. That is just fear’s agenda and them speaking from their agenda. It’s eliciting a judgment coming from their belief system and slapping it on someone. As I’ve gotten stronger in my beliefs, coupled with my experiences, I’m less affected by the fear I hear from other people. Every day I build a stronger foundation from within so that I can withstand the fear around me.

  • As I listen, I’m thinking what a shame that we have to use the word ‘risk’ when sharing these things. These are authentic experiences that happen to us. Even within our own belief systems, we put judgments on each other. I find it intriguing. I believe that if a person has experienced a past life, we need to learn from that and not judge it. That person cannot stand in the seat of authority and pass judgment. They think their intention is based on love, but the action is based on fear. When we use the ruler of love to measure whatever we feel, say, or do—in a sense, there are no risks if we use the ruler of kindness and love in what we say, feel, do, and experience. It’s wise to have the ability to discern.

  • Thank you. This discussion provoked a lot of feelings. I’ve had experiences exploring past lives even though I never had any clarity around it. I’ve had other experiences. Whatever the experience that it provokes in me, if I pay attention to what it means to me, it is so valuable. My daughter and I are at odds in our religious beliefs and it’s been a long road for me coming to terms with her choice and what is meaningful to her. Now, I translate what is meaningful to her when I begin to have those reactions in me. I translate the language and words into what I believe and think as opposed to being diametrically opposed. Our thoughts and beliefs are diametrically opposed but what has opened up is the way I journey to get to those beliefs. I’ve found that such a helpful place for me to be in. I want things to work. When I let go of that, what’s left is much more accessible.

  • It always comes back in the end to the heart. No matter the story. it comes back to the heart because that is the one overriding element of truth. No matter what, in whatever language. It’s an amazing realization.

  • Thank you for all your reflections. I commit to offering this forum as a place for safety. Feeling safe to share truth is my ultimate commitment. We all have our truths that we pursue. It is such an honor to be in community with our truths.

  • Thank you for your sharing. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being present and witnessing. I encourage you all to continue building the deep foundation within in order to be the solid people we are in the alignment we seek. To me, it is what happiness is. You all have a gentle day.

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