I Want to Be All of Me

This repeating pattern of mine

It shows up when I step

beyond my box of safety.

A reliable pattern

full of fear and terror

So familiar it defines my edges.

I choose to look past my edges

to my open spaces.

I choose to heal.

Another evening of terror dreams

From the pot I stirred

leaving me tired but determined

to conquer my fears.

I could buy into my ego screaming

I am not well, something is wrong.

I could buy into my fear naming

all the things not right in my world

But I know this pattern, this face of fear

I know it well.

It holds me tight in its idea of safe

and keeps me small in a small world

When terror comes

I’ve opened the door

to the edge peering

beyond my boundary.

I am breathing.

I believe when I feel it,

I heal it.

I believe when I hear it,

I clear it.

I rest.

I gather strength

and I continue to

face my fears