Before my eyes opened this morning, I asked for inspiration. I listed my wants knowing there is more to my morning eyes than the sleep in them. There is more. I am not just my body I am not just my mind I am not just my past experiences I am more My mind feels like a controlling, dominating force at times. Sometimes I give in to it. I remember I am retraining it. I am more I’m remembering years ago when my children were little, a friend came over with her toddler son. It was a play date. We were going to see the fishes down the street in the pond. The little boy with his legs wrapped around his mom excitedly chanted fishes fishes as we stepped outside the door. Then I noticed the beautiful horse next door hanging her head over the fence. Spontaneously I suggested let’s say hello to the horse first. The little boy giggles and says to the horse, hi fishy. Hi fishy. His mom kept saying horse horse. The toddler kept saying fishy fishy. The mind sticks to what it knows soaking up knowledge by example or taught by often wounded teachers. If I was taught I am less than everyone else, that’s what my mind accepts. If I was taught my diminished value is because I am a woman, that’s where my mind resides in its safety. It’s my job to rewrite my history. Seduction into less-than thinking keeps me safe in my invisible arena. The enticement of powerlessness fools me into believing I am safe. Fear is a virus spread by low self-worth. I am more. Maturity is more than just my body growing into adulthood. Education is more than just training my mind to achieve and succeed. Discovering my self-worth and honoring my divinity within my humanity is part of my journey. Since the 60’s, we’ve been traveling this journey learning and growing into the wholeness we really are. We are whole in our humanity and divinity. It is our right to claim our wholeness! My task as an adult is to uncover the core beliefs that undermine my self-worth. My task as an adult is to question authority that I base my self-worth on. My task as an adult is to rewrite my core beliefs so they work for me. My task as an adult is to be the loving parent I long for. I am more. Blessed Are You Who Bear the Light by Jan Richardson, Circle of Grace: A Book of Blessings for the Seasons Blessed are you who bear the light in unbearable times, who testify to its endurance amid the unendurable, who bear witness to its persistence when everything seems in shadow and grief. Blessed are you in whom the light lives, in whom the brightness blazes – your heart a chapel, an altar where in the deepest night can be seen the fire that shines forth in you in unaccountable faith, in stubborn hope, in love that illumines every broken thing it finds.
That was so powerful, so much to think about, the naming of things, how we are locked into what we were taught. It’s so obvious. It’s such a struggle to release ourselves from that. I learned, when I say something negative or even hear negative things about myself, to say or write down ten positive things about myself. To counteract it. I can’t, with the will of my mind, say I’m not going to believe that anymore. It’s ingrained. I have to train my brain to think differently, to reprogram my brain. In your reading you talk about retraining the brain. I love the line ‘fear is a virus spread by low self-worth.’ It’s so obvious, it’s another thing to counteract. Either work on my fear or on my low self-worth, together they work together. Fear is the true pandemic of our world.
Thank you for your reading. It was beautiful words. I was reminded of a meditation from a few weeks ago where I was going inside to find the wounded parts of me, asking ‘where are you.’ But instead, I realized I was looking for the more maternal side of myself. Yesterday, I met my daughter and grandchildren at a store and we walked around. The kids were oohing and aahing pretty loudly. My daughter admonished them for the noise. I recognize that I swing like a pendulum from the mother who guides me to being the grandmother who spoils myself. It was a good reminder about mothering and fathering. Stephen Jenkinson talks about fathering which creates the environment for the maternal. It’s different from grandmothering and grandfathering. Sometimes I’ll swing right to grandmother when I’m looking for ways to spoil myself instead of disciplining and guiding.
I congratulate myself for getting past another holiday. Yesterday was a painful day. I wanted to focus on inspiration today, not about pulling out more pain. I am grateful. Working with my brain is like training a stubborn puppy.
Thank you for your words. Your memory sparked a happy memory from when my son was young walking amongst trees in the fall. Whenever I saw something beautiful, I would say ‘ooh-la-la.’ For the longest time, he thought the name for flowers and trees was ‘ooh-la-la.’
Many, many years ago, my family member was in preschool and had chicken pox. We lived near a large parking lot and there were lots of seagulls there. He threw bread crumbs to the seagulls, and I remember another mother reproachful about this. Usually I am affected by what others say, but that didn’t bother me because I felt we were doing something nice.
Our minds retain things that are good and bad. When we are caught up in a setting that is not conducive to creating good memories, the difficult memories are still in us and they become ingrained in the rules of how we live. People say that no one can change. People can change if they are willing to work at it. It is a job of working against the grain and it is possible. I am a witness to that.
Thank you. You said there are difficult days and today you were hoping for inspiration. It’s inspiring even when you share struggles. I have a voice in my head saying ‘just get over it! Move on!’ It takes what it takes to get through the process. We tend to think black and white, but there is a whole palette in between. It’s not all terrible or beautiful. I have moments of both every day. I like what you said about reparenting. I do that every day, practicing on the messages to myself. Thank you.
I had to endure Black Friday at a mall yesterday. Hopefully I came out of it okay. I met a lot of nice people. There are so many wonderful people in the world. I discover that when I reach out with discernment.
Tomorrow night, I am doing an hour and half free virtual webinar Feel the Fear – Down to the Wire. This will be about learning tools and techniques for overcoming fear. There will be a Q&A. When you register, you can list your fears and I will address them during the webinar. It will be a video on demand for about a week afterwards, so if you can’t be on the live event, you can watch it later at your convenience. All you have to do is register. You can watch it by video or just listen on the phone.
On Monday, I am doing a podcast for a woman in Wales, also a free event.
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Thank you everyone for listening to my words and my sharings. Taking the time to spend 15 minutes with yourself is an incredible blessing. Silence helps things change within us. I witness it and I experience it. Thank you for taking the time for yourself. Have a blessed day.