My attic was littered with old memories and boxes of artifacts no longer important to me and yet, I’ve held on to them forever. The cobwebs were gathering and thickening with age. The windows were darkened by dirt and time as this space was unlived in. It was time to clean house.
Cleaning house has nothing to do with the building I live in. It means cleaning energy.
Salt baths and smudging.
Awareness of thoughts and reframing of limits
Reading life enhancing books instead of drama trauma.
I write my recipe for clearing energy
Years ago, I gave a reading to a woman who had hair down to her knees. It was her pride and joy. What I remember about the reading was the message I imparted of limits constructed around her residing in her hair. She was starving for change and didn’t know a direction. Cutting her hair was the direction.
I remember my reluctance as I heard the words knowing she was her hair. Yet, as a psychic medium, my job was to speak what I heard. She left the reading confused and doubtful.
Several years later, I saw her at an event and her hair was significantly shorter. Without prompting, she told me the best thing she did was change her hair and it freed her.
Sometimes, what we hang on to no longer serves our highest and best needs. As a child, I learned to put myself last, stay below the radar and make people laugh, all in an effort to be safe.
I developed habits that supported these actions and they became the creed I’ve lived by. As I grow and change, the boundaries are bulging and I want out. I’m cleaning house and discovering things I didn’t know were there.
I’ve started a new spiritual practice. The moment I become conscious I ask, “What do I need?”
I’ve spent a lifetime feeling what others need.
I’ve spent a lifetime scouting ahead looking for clues.
I’ve spent a lifetime walking on eggshells instead of stomping on frozen puddles.
With awareness, I dismantle my self-imposed limits.
I hear my words reminding me why I should not and better not and what if. They are habits built on the framework of fear. Enough is enough.
Walking through fear is exhausting and invigorating!
Pushing back on my limiting beliefs is terrifying and euphoric!
My feet are heavy with mud and I can spring like a rabbit!
The doorway is open and every day I start with “what do I need?”
I kind of exploded inside,
and joy shot out of me.
I began my roll down the grassy hill.
I bent my knees up small, took a deep breath
and I was off.
My arms shot out sideways.
I gathered speed.
My eyes squinted.
Sky and grass, dazzle and dark.
I went on forever, My arms were covered with dents, holes, squashed grass. Before I knew it I was at the bottom. The game was over. The door of the classroom closed behind me. I can smell chalk dust, and hear the voice of teachers, to make me forget my hill
Participants Reflections:
Thank you for this. I’m going to a graduation of a young girl and I’m wondering what to give her. Her mom says she doesn’t need anything. I’ve been thinking what do I have to say to her. What I’ve concluded is, if you asked me one thing about life and wisdom, what came to me was this: the greatest task for me has been when to hold on and when to let go. It doesn’t mean not loving, it means letting go of the attachment. Both for myself, which you are talking about today, and those things I’ve held onto that need to be freed up. So thank you. I now have something to offer this young girl, and a lesson that struck home with me. Thank you.
Thank you. Both your reflection and the poem are great. They are two separate lessons. One is letting go of the things that we think define us but we don’t need anymore. It’s hard to see because we get so attached to our stories, our experiences, to who we think we are, and what we think creates who we are. So it’s a good lesson to think about. And then the poem, it teaches almost the opposite lesson. The narrator is experiencing this incredible freedom in rolling down the hill and then, when it’s over, everyone is trying to make him forget it. Forget that ‘you-ness,’ forget who you are, and be this other person. It’s interesting to have these two lessons side by side, one about letting go of who we are and the other embracing who we are. It’s a fine line to figure that out, which is the real, authentic me.
The other part is having faith that ‘it’ is going to arrive whatever the it is.
We don’t know that until we try it, and it either fits or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t, we move on. Thanks. That poem gave me a real boost.
Thank you very much. The comments have been rich as well. The poem was my springboard. As a kid, I did a lot of rolling down hills and I learned the roll was better if I positioned myself perpendicular to the landing. Listening to the poem brought me back to being six or seven years old. During the meditation, I wondered how rolling down a hill can apply to a dissatisfaction I have with a person. I started thinking about the turn, the position of my body perpendicular to the landing. I decided to consider the turns as an invitation to being positive about this person instead of the relationship being a negative bother. Thank you.
Thank you. And thank you all for your reflections. What resonated with me today was your talking about the woman wanting change and how you saw her energy tied up in her hair and how she needed to cut it. Most of my adult life I’ve had really short hair. I’ve been growing my hair for two years as a way to express a part of myself that I couldn’t do before. That wild mystical forest woman with everything flowing. I like it and am glad I’m doing it. But I need a balance so that it doesn’t take on a life of its own. I want it to reflect me. That energetic balance where we don’t let things overtake us.
I love that idea of energetic balance. During the meditation, I was running down the hill, not rolling. I remember that feeling as a child almost out of control, still feeling that freedom. When I got to the bottom of the hill, I started flying a kite. That moment of freedom and control at the same time gives me something to reflect on. This is also the week schools let out for the summer. That image and memory of feeling the freedom, of not being stuck in the classroom and the joy of the endless summer of freedom. So thank you.
It’s exciting to learn about other people’s stories. The line that struck me when you were reading “walking on eggshells instead of stomping on frozen puddles.” I’m an ice skater. Skating is so grounding. I step on the ice and it doesn’t give way. During the meditation, I was off skating, dreaming. I always think experiences are more important than things. One has to do and feel. For me, it’s physical. Having too many things can weigh me down and immobilize me.
I remember the freedom of riding my bicycle, many times. One year, I was about 12 years old and took a long bike trip. And I remember riding down this long hill and I felt so free. I’m relating it to the ego states and subpersonalities. When we hit a crisis, a subpersonality emerges and stays with us. I’m talking to my subpersonalities and trying to heal them. I’m trying to connect with the one that needs freedom. Thank you for this reminder.
I never rolled down hills. I remember sledding and the feeling of going down a steep hill. When it snowed, a lot of people came sledding. I had to be careful to steer the sled away from people. There was that feeling of exhilaration but at the same time, I had to be very responsible in my exhilaration. Life is like that. To keep the exhilaration, we have to be sure to steer clear of certain obstacles in life. Whether it’s another person or having too much stuff. These are lessons like rolling down hills, bicycling, and sledding—all those things that bring exhilaration with a risk that there’s always things that can stop the freedom.
Talking about the freedom and exhilaration and the boosting, it’s not just a concept but an energy that lifts our body. It feels good. It’s an actual elemental healing energy that we are giving ourselves just by talking about it. It makes me feel happy. I may not be happy in two minutes, but right now, this experience is exhilarating and it feels good.
I feel very heavy. To be honest, I can’t think of a lot of exhilarating experiences. I have been thinking about something I saw. I was looking out my kitchen window and a little pine branch feel down, with needles and buds. It landed on the fire escape and I saw the yellow pollen burst out. That moment has stayed with me. It was an exhilaration.
Thank you all for going on this ride with me this morning. I didn’t know where it was going. Whether we feel the exhilaration in the words or not, it’s fun to imagine; it’s fun to take a break, to take a respite, to create that space inside so that it is a way to lift our spirits for a moment. That is what I wish for each of you, to find those moments, because it is healing. Have a gentle day.