A moment in the mirror I visit myself.
I choose to peek because I seek to connect within.
I’m reluctant to face the panic inside and
yet I know it will bring ease if I listen.
I feel the chaos in the world.
I hold it in my shoulders and my stomach.
I want to see me so I look again in the mirror.
I’m still here.
I see gentleness and impatience.
Calmness and panic.
I am all emotions for I am one with all.
I see you I say to myself.
I see my willingness to keep walking
and talking, and smiling
using my eyes
behind my mask.
Life is not against me nor am I against life.
Life becomes what I focus on.
Intolerable sometimes and
incredibly blessed at others.
I am grateful breath happens.
I am grateful my heartbeat happens.
I am grateful for my able-body.
I am grateful for my able-mind.
I hold the heartache of dis-ease and
dis-ability and de-mentia.
I hold all my birthdays because I was there,
in body, yes and in mind, most of the time.
I experience life day by day, hour by hour and
sometimes I miss what is happening because I abandon my post.
Always I find my way home.
I look in the mirror and I’m still here.
Always we hope
Someone else has the answer
Some other place will be better,
Some other time it will all turn out.
This is it.
No one else has the answer
No other place will be better,
And it has already turned out.
At the center of your being
You have the answer,
You know who you are
And you know what you want.
There is no need
To run outside
For better seeing.
Nor to peer from a window.
Rather abide at the center of your being;
For the more you leave it, the less you learn.
Search your heart
The way to do
Is to be.
I really liked the poem today about seeking answers but really, we have our answers inside of us. We spend a lot of time seeking answers elsewhere. It takes practice to actually listen to those answers because we don’t come at them the way we’re used to. Listening to them once you find them is another thing. They are so subtle.
This writing was beautiful today. The line about ‘life becomes what I focus on,’ it is so true. If I focus on the negative, I have a negative life. If I focus on the positive, I have a positive life. That’s the truth. I loved the line ‘I hold all my birthdays because I was there.’ It’s a reminder that I am present in every moment that I am present in. And I’m not if I’m not there. I can focus on the future and panic about it or I can focus on the past and beat myself up for all the things I did wrong and all the things that went wrong. The thing that really matters is life is what I focus on. It’s so true. Thank you.
Where the meditation brought me—and it’s definitely what I focused on—was a time in my life when I gave away most of what I owned. It wasn’t a lot but I gave it away for a vision quest I went on. What I realized was that the less things I have to think about or worry about or protect, the easier it is to really center myself and go into who I am and what I am -- the spiritual presence. I was appreciating and remembering what it was like to not own a lot, and it was a good place.
Thank you. Beautiful writing this morning. I continue to be amazed every day by your writings and reflections. Even as a young child, I was looking for someone to save me, a savior. And I came to realize—in my distorted thinking—that maybe it wasn’t going to be a person but a thing and I turned to external addictions which didn’t work. So, this is it. It has already turned out. In echoing what others have said, the answers are within. This is it. It has already turned out. When I stay in the moment, all I can do is marvel. Again, this group is a big part of it.
Thank you so much. I connect with everything. I feel like when I grew up, I was always told what to do. All my life I’ve looked for people to tell me what to do. I identify with what everyone said. By looking outside of myself, I abandon my post, abandon myself. I gave away everything internally. I transferred my search and focused on substances and people. It’s been a process of getting back to my post, for my relationships, taking a stand for me. It’s not easy. Recently, I went back to work. My employment is like our chaotic world. My heart is my sanctuary. I’m not abandoning my post. I’m starting to cause trouble. The old me would have gone with the flow, shut my mouth. I quietly and calmly feel that I can’t do that anymore, but part of me is scared.
I’ve been reading Susan Jeffers about repeating those truths about the fears. It’s so helpful.
Your reading was lovely. It’s so helpful to understand or try to understand and follow ‘life is what I focus on.’ There is so much that is positive, so much reason for gratitude. Even in this difficult time, the positive is still there. They are the handholds we grab on to, day after day.
The way my chair is positioned, I can see the tree outside my window. It comforts me. I can see a few leaves, some raindrops hanging there. It reminds me of an old movie about a young woman that was very ill and she was in bed dying. Out her window was a brick wall with a vine on it. She knew a painter, and she said, when the last leaf falls off the vine, I will die. And without her knowing it, he got up on the wall and painted a leaf on the brick wall. So, she continued to live and got better. The reading made me think about that as I gazed at the leaves and the water on the leaves. I thought, there’s always a leaf to hold onto. I love nature, I love animals, and I love my kids, all the things I have gratitude for, and I can hang on to that.
Thank you so much for your beautiful reflections which are thought-provoking and comforting. So meaningful how we find our focus and our community around us helps us focus as they follow their focus. Thank you for this community, for your time, and for your sacred space. I hope you all have a gentle day.