Like the Roots of a Grand Oak

This journey of meditation is a teacher for me. At times, words flow out as guidance and I seem so connected to a Universal truth. Other days, I wake up feeling like I did as a child with my face close to a fan and yelling into it unable to understand my words. It’s all been a process of letting go and trusting. Each day holds an arc like a good story. I wait for the flow. Obstacles pop up and I worry about delivery, about timing, about the audience. I have to let go. I have to trust.

Authenticity is so important to me. I trust authentic people, authentic circumstances. I feel safe when I witness humanness, not an air-brushed version. That’s why I sit in my pajamas on Zoom without brushing my hair, no makeup. Real is real. So many facades have crumbled in my life, I choose not to play the façade game anymore. In the words of Popeye - “I am what I am, and that's all that I am.”

Listening to Matt Kahn’s latest video, I was impacted by the metaphor he uses with trees weathering the seasons. The tree is in its heyday during spring and summer. I imagine the excitement and aliveness during this budding and blooming period as life seems to flow with ease. Then autumn arrives and the memories of the budding and blooming days fade as colors come forth and leaves fall to the ground. Then winter hits like the dark night of the soul, and the tree still stands steadfastly grounded, trusting it will survive through the doom and gloom of the less-light time. The weathering is the process. The trusting is the process. Season after season the acceptance of the great mystery of change continues.

I feel the disharmony of life.

I feel the fear.

I feel the unknown.

I choose to trust this process.

Like the roots of a grand oak,

I focus on life force

take a breath,

in and out

In moments of despair,

I choose not to panic.

Where is my foothold, my surrender?

It is in my breath.

My life is full of moments.

I am in charge of me.

I see my mind pacing

at the doorway of thought

with hands on hips

pacing feet

reminding me of my commitments,

my daily plans.

I smile in silence and not engage

as I watch her pace about

with her ‘what if’s’ and ‘better not’s’

I breathe and surrender.