Struggle with my Struggles
by Shirley Riga
I walk on the same street every day
I awake to the same light as the day before
I view the same me in the mirror
I step into the same slippers
I eat the same food
I use the same computer
I wash the same body
I am familiar and yet I feel lost
My thoughts take me to uncomfortable places
I awaken doing U-turns
Don’t think that
Don’t go there
Don’t eat that
Don’t think that
I struggle with my struggles
I surrender into my chair
Above me are so many choices
Each with a thread hanging down
Tickling my head
Which do I choose?
Meditation is soothing
Will it be today or will another thread
Impose itself on my head?
My breath opens a door
Yet I keep my hand on the knob
Standing on the edge
A deeper breath invites me
Into my soothing place
Will I surrender to my thoughts
Or to my breath?
The choice is up to me
I jotted down the words “struggle with my struggles.” I will keep a notebook next to me from now on.
I started yesterday with a headache. Today I have choices. Parts of me have negative thoughts but I now know that parts of me can take care of myself. I don’t have to do my old habit of picking up a bad and making it bad.
Good to hear that you and others have trouble focusing on breath.
Yes, we are all having trouble
I’ve been using a biofeedback device, the Muse, to measure my meditative state over this last year. But I’m getting fewer of bird sounds indicating I’m in a meditative state lately. I realize it’s achievement enough to just sit here quietly for 15 minutes
My 21 day routine has been to walk every morning. When I don’t, I lie in bed with negative thoughts. By trying to focus on breath while walking, today I smelled hibiscus
Meditating with a group buoys us.
“Shoulds and “have-tos” are self-defeating. I’m trying to get a handle on them. Reminds me of a poem by Sylvia Plath about trees. I can make a choice, and if I don’t like it, I can make another one. Every moment is an opportunity for another choice
That voice that guides us is subtle
I started trying the mirror challenge. I realized I've tuned out the mirrors and don’t see them. I now have the awareness that I am unaware.
During the meditation, I reflected on choice. I use my higher power for choice, not my ego. My life is more joyful now, not always thinking about my thoughts, and I’m relying on small inner voice
I follow my gut as my inner voice. If I have a choice, I know a stomachache response means no. I’ve been honoring it only in last 15 years
I identify with what's been said. Just for today, I will enjoy what is beautiful. And I’ll give back what the world shares
The emotions shared here are tremendous. Incredible honor to be in space where we all share with such truth