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Bullied by Food

This blog is totally my point of view on my struggle with food, and my personal experience living in my body over the last almost 70 years. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

I have experienced food bullying since my childhood. I was brought up in a dysfunctional home and food was my respite. I remember making butter and sugar sandwiches on white bread and loving every bite. I remember eating a whole pecan pie on a holiday, holed away in the living room taking bite after bite while listening to the dysfunction in the other room. I remember being forced to eat oranges and grapefruits at the breakfast table because they were a gift to my father. I remember eating Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother’s house while my uncle paced behind us barking out the rule that we had to finish every bite or we couldn’t get up. The list goes on and on.

Bullying is bullying no matter the topic. I turned my food anxiety inward and kept eating. I criticized myself, hid my food habits and always felt I never had enough. I internalized my food bully and she became part of me.

A vacation was not a vacation unless a visit was made to the local bakery feasting on the rich desserts. I married a person with food addiction and we raised our children teaching them our food habits and they struggle today.

I have an incessant urge to find inner peace, and it wasn’t until I was cornered with food intolerances and food allergies I had to surrender and face them.

Years of therapy and other various modalities slowly helped me peel back the layers of behaviors and habits. Going through a divorce, surviving losses and health challenges ultimately led me to a nasty diagnosis of Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO). Coupled with a myriad of food intolerances, food allergies and navigating our current food environment, I got sicker and sicker. I ate gluten free, dairy free, corn free, soy free, garlic and onion free and still had problems.

At one point I couldn’t tolerate anything but kale and steamed turkey day after day and then I couldn’t tolerate that.

At the same time, following my inner urging to clear my energy fields, I opened more and more as a trance medium and psychic. The more sensitive I became the more sensitive I became. The overgrowth of bad bacteria took over my intestines, pressing pain up into my esophagus. I was nauseated most of the day. The more my stomach was upset, the more my back hurt. I reacted to almost every food I ate with painful symptoms that were embarrassing. I was diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) from chronic constipation and once went 17 days without elimination. I suffered in silence and shame.

I saw my primary care physician many times addressing my issues: Stage 3 kidney disease, prediabetes and chronic gall bladder problems. By the time I visited my gastroenterologist, I was in such terrible gastrointestinal pain, she sent me for SIBO testing which was confirmed.

My renal doctor was watching my kidney numbers waiting for them to rise to a critical point before they took action. My prediabetic concerns were being watched as well. My gall bladder concerns were examined through many ultrasounds with no action to be taken, labeled as a sludgy gall bladder.

Through trusted colleagues I found a functional nutritionist who understood the energy of food balance. She held an updated point of view on the necessary nutrients to fuel the human body, the energy body, the emotional body based on the latest research.

She respected my life choices, She understood the role of energy in the body and she educated me with a food plan that got me well under way. I started on a FODMAP diet, a diet specifically designed to deal with over sensitive *gastrointestinal tracts. It helped. I had to deal with SIBO prophylactically with a cocktail of antibiotics or herbal remedies. I chose herbal remedies. Monash University in Melbourne, Australia makes a wonderful app for following a FODMAP diet. They also have FODMAP cutting edge information. It took me well over two years to get my SIBO under control.

My health was struggling even with all the changes I made. Eventually, I consulted an intuitive nutritionist who used an alternative form of medical practice that communicated with my body by muscle testing to gauge my body’s needs.

My food journey is still ongoing even after two years working with him. I consult with him every six months. It’s not a quick fix. It has taken a lifetime to develop my food habits so it takes time to recover.

I eat four times a day, with egg whites and vegetables for breakfast. Two of the meals are protein-based medical food shakes prescribed for me to keep my protein intake at a good level. My diet consists mostly of fruits and vegetables, healthy carbohydrates and plant-based proteins, and most importantly, I don’t mix carbohydrates with any proteins as they are hard for me to digest. I supplement with quality vitamins and minerals defined by my body's needs purchased from reputable laboratories.

My food plan is not your food plan. Everyone is different. I chose to eliminate meat and fish from my diet because I could not emotionally tolerate killing anything for my nutrition any longer. I struggled with that decision for a while, but in the end, I feel better about my choice. It’s imperative I keep track of my protein intake for that reason.

As I approach my next birthday, I am still struggling with fitting in, an issue I have had all my life to be like everyone else. It’s a deep core struggle and is at the center of my food struggles. I want to eat like everyone else. I want to be like everyone else. I clearly have more work to do.

When I’m not feeling well, the inner bullying gets louder. That’s when it’s most important for me to be gentle with myself, practice TLC self-care on steroids. I am learning to accept my individuality.

Food is changing in our culture. The ideas I learned 40 to 50 years ago are outdated. For example, I grew up on meat and potatoes, protein and carbs eaten together, with vegetables on the side and something sweet for dessert. I have since learned mixing protein with carbohydrates is very hard to digest often causing bloating, excess gas, indigestion, heartburn, skin problems and more. I’ve also learned refined sugars are poison to my body.

I hear more and more people, especially women, diagnosed with SIBO and other disorders like diabetes and irritable bowel syndrome, and I wonder what unresolved emotional issues are at play leading to food intolerances and allergies. I remember craving foods I was intolerant to, almost like an addiction.

The use of pesticides impacts my food choices because when I eat nonorganic fruits and vegetables, my tongue burns, my lips tingle and I get headaches and stomachaches. At the worst of times, my intestines burn. Food impacts everything in our bodies. Food is medicine.

I highly recommend the following books for an updated look at how food can help cure our health and emotional issues.

I have found recipes for simple fruit and vegetable washes using white vinegar. I am intolerant to canola oil as it makes me physically sick. There’s a myriad of information on the Internet about canola oil. Here’s a link that I found helpful. I choose to use olive oil and avocado oil. However, olive oil does not maintain its integrity under high heat, but avocado oil does.

The more I pay attention to how my food is grown and produced, the more I am aware of all the ingredients. Organic foods are expensive and not everyone has the ability to make that choice. But awareness is key. I found a list of the dirty dozen to be helpful in making fruit and vegetable choices. Not all fruits and vegetables need to be organic. The follow-through takes time and commitment, both of which I make happen.

I also want to mention, my kidney disease vanished after a full year with my food changes. I now have normal kidney values. My pre-diabetes is resolved, and as I watch my olive oil or avocado oil intake, my gall bladder quiets down. I’m still a work in progress, but my inner peace and quality of life is higher. I’m nicer to myself when I’m not in pain.

I’m aware of my inner bully and by gently respecting and listening to my wants and needs, I act out less. Food integrity is of the utmost importance to me as a trance and psychic medium. I strive to keep my body in balance, my emotions in check and my energy at a level that enhances my spiritual integrity. I have tools that help, all of which were gathered on my food journey.

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