What If I Am Enough?

What if I am enough? What if everything I am doing is right? What if my struggles and worries result from circumstances that happen because the circumstances are really soul journeys? It’s hard to accept this fact when feeling desperately helpless while a loved one suffers, when feeling desperately helpless when diagnosed with a devastating illness, when feeling desperate for healing.

It’s a difficult subject to discuss because the pain is so great and denial is so strong. The biggest challenge in my life was the birth of my second daughter with a terminal illness. A brand-new baby having no reason for illness except a soul journey.

I went through many journeys of my own trying to understand why. I searched for reasons. Both her father and I went through gene testing to no avail. At one point I was convinced it was an incredibly loud car race I attended while at a fair. Then I turned the blame on myself for years. Doctors couldn’t explain it. I could prove nothing. I hunted for cures so doggedly that her doctor encouraged me to work on acceptance instead of denial. She was 10 years old and I was worn out.

Having the luxury of looking back at this point in my life, I had no knowledge about soul journeys. I was a mother with a sick baby. The drama of my daughter’s life lasted for 32 years. The drama of my daughter’s life changed the course of mine. Could the whole saga have been for a purpose greater than my human understanding?

Grateful for the new movie entitled Soul, available on Disney Plus, death is being talked about. The movie delivers the subject in an animated story demonstrating our souls do not die. It is not the end. Death is a change of costume for the journey to continue. We see our loved ones again. The journey is a personal one. Life’s chalkboard is filled with tragedies and triumphs.

Years ago Ellyn Burstyn starred in a movie entitled Resurrection. “Resurrection is a 1980 American drama film about a woman who survives the car accident that kills her husband, but discovers that she has the power to heal other people. She becomes an unwitting celebrity, the hope of those in desperate need of healing, and a lightning rod for religious beliefs and skeptics.”

I related so strongly to this movie I’ve never forgotten it. Ellyn’s role as the survivor was innocently living her life. Life happened and changed the course of her journey. The movie validated the message for my life that I did nothing wrong. It got my attention and I kept on searching for reasons. Just this morning I found the entire movie on YouTube. It was made in 1980.

Suffering is part of living. I’m hoping by cracking the door into the idea that suffering is part of their soul journey, it helps widen the desperateness and confusion into greater understanding.

What if there’s a greater purpose to suffering?

A greater purpose won’t take away the commitment one has to help.

A greater purpose won’t take away the fight for healing.

The understanding of a greater purpose can offer acceptance at a deeper level and offer some comfort while the struggle continues. Acceptance of a greater wisdom can offer solace at times of desperate confusion for why bad things happen to people. It’s worth time to percolate the idea.

By Anonymous

What if a poem were just for me?

What if I were audience enough because I am,

Because this person here is alive, is flesh,

Is conscious, has feelings, counts?

What if this one person mattered not just for what

She can do in the world

But because she is part of the world