It’s been over 275 days of daily meditation. Over 4,000 minutes of silence isn’t that much in a lifetime. I am learning on this journey, learning what my center of focus feels like. I am learning to breathe in acceptance and breathe out release. I am learning my boundaries in silence, sitting for me, focusing for me. I am learning to appreciate my emotions and welcome them in. I am learning patience breathing through fear. I am learning to recognize when I need a break. I am trusting myself in this process. I am learning to love silence, for its emptiness holds an incredible vastness.
The year 2020 is almost over. I’m sorting and cleaning stuff, finding things I forgot about and recycling stuff that does not serve me any longer. A sort of purging of things to clean out my space, kind of like what I have been doing in silence—sorting and clearing.
I have felt burnt out at times, caught up in fear and uncertainty. I feel lost when judgment finds its voice. My insides get uncomfortable and impatient and distracted. I am grateful when I can step back and pull inward. I am very grateful for my guest facilitators. I am very grateful for everyone’s willingness to go with the flow on this journey.
It’s a wonderful gift to go about daily tasks with your thoughts and reflections mulling around in my head. It’s comforting to hear others speak of their impressions and challenges so similar to my own. It’s exciting to wake up every morning to see your shining faces devoted to self-care seeking comfort in the journey.
When I’m feeling in a funk, it’s my practice to ask for help. I send out an SOS to my Higher Power for more understanding; more comfort; stronger connection; solutions and resolutions; direction and guidance. Then I drop my request like a hot potato because I know me. If I spend time figuring out what it is I need, I’m weighing down my prayer with expectations and it will fall flat on its face. I let it go. I walk away. I redirect and reset. Time does not exist in Higher Power land. I put out what I need. I repeat when necessary. I pray for my highest and best good.
In my shuffling through old papers, files and boxes I found an Abenaki Prayer written by David (Walking Eagle) Stone. It stirred my soul and I wanted to share it with you. What was astonishing to me was, as I was holding the card with the prayer on it, I felt the smooth backside which made me wonder what was on it. I turned it over and there was a beautiful picture of my late wife. It was a tribute card used at her celebration of life 14 years ago. I completely forgot about it. I felt it. I am not alone. She is with me. Communication happens between the worlds in many ways. I’m grateful I paid attention.
Abenaki Prayer by David (Walking Eagle) Stone
Great Spirit of all that is
I ask you this day for
The instincts of salmon to find my way home
The eyes of owl to see through the darkness in my life
The craftiness of coyote to help me stay alive
The ears of deer to hear all that you say
The patience of spider to wait for what will come
The thunder of buffalo to be heard above the storm
The playfulness of otter to keep me young at heart
The shell of turtle to keep me from harm
The strength of bear to overcome my enemies
The wings of eagle to soar above the clouds
The speed of falcon to pursue my prey
The gentleness of fawn so I may be kind to others
The endurance of wolf to keep going to the end
Most of all I ask this day
To be one with you when my time is through
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Thank you. Your thoughts really resonated with me today, especially the bit about cleaning and sorting. We downsized two years ago and we have not done well with the unpacking. It’s time, more than time. Yesterday, I was thinking I don’t care what I have to throw out, I have to get down to fighting weight. It’s hard to find places to donate things. I don’t want to fill up the landfill. I need to get uncluttered; it clutters my thinking. I thank you for your thoughts on the subject. You are doing it in an insightful and reflective way which I will try to emulate. The prayer is wonderful. It resonates. Thank you.
Thank you for the words about the end of the year and also the magical way that card showed up. I love being reminded of that kind of synchronicity where guidance brings us messages in various ways. Thank you for sharing that. It got me excited to think about what might come into my day today.
I was struck by the prayer. Over the last fifteen years, I’ve done a lot of thinking about natural wealth, consciously modeling the economy on nature. We have 200 years of the Industrial Revolution and millions of years of the evolution of natural systems and organisms. It was striking thinking about the particular properties of the species you mentioned. We would do well to become attuned to them. Because of my morning hikes in a nature preserve, I feel more at one with nature. This has been one of the benefits of the pandemic for me.
My former partner, who has dementia, is being moved into an assisted living facility. She was a hoarder, an obsessive behavior that cannot be helped. I’ve been harsh with her and I’m trying to forgive myself for that. I felt many times that she needed to get rid of the clutter, it was making it hard for her to find things. Now, she can’t remember anything. I’m so sad, and yet I am glad she’s being moved. She was into the Native American spirit, so thank you for the prayer you found. Maybe I’ll send her the prayer.
It’s important to feel the feelings and honor them. And to hold her in light.
A friend of mine died a couple of days ago. His death brings up another friend’s very painful death. I thought I was doing okay, but when I tried to sleep last night, I couldn’t get images out of my head. I couldn’t sleep. I tried many things to deal with the pain. During the meditation, I picked up my ‘Big Book’ and did the 12 steps around my friends. It brought me relief and it helped. It’s about maintaining my conscious contact with my Higher Power in order to hold me in feeling this pain and knowing that they are okay. I did nothing wrong, I just loved them. Thank you for this prayer this morning.
I woke up this morning and saw my angel had broken. It was left in my free library and it is very meaningful for me. Quoting from Mother Theresa, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” On the floor next to my bed was a piece of the angel. I feel it has significance. One would think both parts would have fallen on the floor. Should I put it back together? Is it symbolic of something? The mystery of it—it made me sad to see it broken and the mystery of why it was broken with its parts far apart.
Let it be, like a good cup of tea, something will come out of it.
Thank you for sharing your precious sacred space in this silence. Thank you for sharing your attention and your time and your ears and eyes and heart. I hope you all have a gentle day. We live with the expectancy of things that come into our senses. It’s like a treasure hunt. I wish you all a joyful treasure hunt today.
Photo credit: Symbol of the Cowasuck Band of the Pennacook Abenaki people cowasuck.org