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Surrendering is an inside job

This is a tough week for me. It’s in the cells of my body memory. In silence yesterday I made a deal with myself. After almost igniting the kitchen stove on fire with a forgotten pot of rice, I need to honor my grief, not ignore it.

I am able to deal with a lot of things, impatience, pain, fear and anger. I am strong. I have a lot of tools. But grief doesn’t have anything to do with being strong. Grief cannot be dealt with. It is to be respected and given space. I know if I ignore the messages, it won’t be good. I observe the signs. I am a witness to my memories. I deserve to be gentle with myself.

I learned a little over 20 years ago as I faced the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, pushing through pain is not the best answer. Surrender is. I resisted and denied the signals my body was flashing until I could no longer function. I was 100% disabled, brought to my knees by unrelenting pain. I had ignored myself long enough. The circumstances had my full attention and I was listening. I learned the art of surrendering.

Surrendering is not about the loss of a loved one. Surrendering is not about the daily struggle of humanity. Surrendering is not being a doormat.

Surrendering is about prayer and practice. Surrendering is about listening in silence. Surrendering is letting go of the pursuit to understand everything. Surrendering is about acceptance. Surrendering is inquiring with honesty and honoring needs. Surrendering is an inside job.

“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.” Ram Dass

I surrender to my need to control

I surrender and listen to my signals

I surrender and trust my inner wisdom knowing synchronicity guides me.

I surrender in understanding less is more and allow next steps to unfold.

I accept and trust my inner wisdom guides me to my highest and best good

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold: the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – Let it all go.

Save your strength to swim with the tide. The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go.

Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you received it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

Take this on faith; the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless.

Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.

Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.

Participants’ Reflections:

  • Thank you for the reading. Letting go is always a great topic for me and turning things over. I opened a medicine card this morning and got a blank card. At first, I thought I made a mistake, but no, just read what’s on the paper, this is what you are supposed to hear. And it talked about the blank card and blank space. During the meditation, I put a blank slate in front of me and just tried to drop into a feeling and willingness of letting go. What came to me isn’t completely surrendering and doing nothing. What happened for me is I started to go through the people from my work where I just left. And each one appeared and I thanked them and I let them go. I was untethering. Letting go for me isn’t passive, it is active. I think at one time you mentioned untethering the boat. I wanted to share that. And peace came. I’ll probably have to do that several times, but thank you.

  • I have a process of letting go of people I have trouble with, I surround them with light and bless them, instead of being angry.

  • Thank you for the reading. Today’s a special day and letting go was a timely message for me. I’ll be going back to work next week if the right client comes around. I’m putting boundaries around what I am willing to do. It was helpful to let go of that and at the same time being open. Letting go of the restrictions. I’m more in tune with the right person coming along, letting it happen or not. It may not happen. Just being open to the process.

  • I was taken by the line about ‘surrendering to grief.’ It’s easy to try to set grief aside. But that never works very well. It’s the 5th anniversary of my mom’s memorial service and I got the eulogy out and read through what I had written. I was amazed how wise I was when I wrote that. I seem less wise now. I was so wise because what I’ve been working with, the grief just won’t go away. What I got was this image in a soul collage of a rooster quizzically asking ‘is it time?” Is it time to let this go? I had an Akashic record reading done around that. We talked about the grief and she said it was time to look at my mom in a lighter manner. I was able to do that in the eulogy, but I couldn’t say in the eulogy what I was really feeling. And now, I can read that, and it is lighter. I hadn’t noticed it. It’s a process.

  • Thank you for yesterday’s mention of the serenity prayer. I do grief counseling, and I am going to a memorial service for a friend. There is a lot of grief around me and I don’t have to let it drag me down. That’s what surrendering to grief means to me.

  • I was also struck by the line about grief. My analytical mind said, fear, anger, all that—grief is somehow different? I asked it to accept the truth of it. I feel you are right. I have not had to deal with intense grief from external occurrences. That’s not the only type of grief there is. I was gone for a long time and I felt the need to withdraw from a lot of contact. I’m coming back. It’s nice to see everyone again. Bravo to those who have been here all along and bravo to those keeping this going.

  • I say the affirmations of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Someday I will have a morning where I’ll be able to settle down and meditate. It’s lovely that we can ask for thoughts and prayers here. It means the world to me. There is such goodness and kindness and truth here. This is a wonderful group for putting prayers and requests and thoughts out. I will always do it for anyone. It’s difficult for all of us.

  • It takes trust for someone to share that and know it will be received. You can always say it.

  • Thank you. I loved the words about letting go and opening up. Yesterday, I must have had to let things go about a dozen times, dealing with life. I had to keep letting go every single minute. I used to live my life so differently. But by letting go of the outcome and just accepting the way things are going, it frees me up a lot. I’m not getting an answer back from someone and I’m assuming the worst. I have to let go of it. It’s an endless process, of letting go and doing what is in front of me. Your reading today reminded me of that.

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