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My Special Place

One of my favorite TV shows when I was younger was “I Dream of Genie” because I wanted to live inside her bottle. It was the perfect space, with color and comfort that I yearned for. The inside of the bottle was the sigh of relief I sought.

My imagination is the canvas I use to build this comforting place within. My ideas and inspirations have changed in time, and yet the essence that brings that sigh of relief is always present.

As I learn to control my thoughts and meander in imagination, more details are added. I love the mountains. I love a breathtaking view. I love the sounds of nature. I love a comfortable sit-spot. I love feeling a light breeze. I love hearing life around me. I love feeling safe. All the ingredients that make up my space no matter where I physically am and no matter what is happening around me.

Practicing silence over the last year has helped me recognize the steadier presence of my Higher Self. I open the door and breathe in comfort. I design the softness and the light and the noise and the scenery. I design the doorway, the rooftop, the surrounding vista. It’s all up to me—with my Higher Self steadily present.

I invite in only those beings that honor my highest and best good. Sometimes I light a fire and we gather around. Sometimes I feel the presence of my beloved four-legged friends nestled around my feet.

I have grown into this space by living my life, loving and laughing, crying and grieving. In challenging times, I resist my comfort if I buy into the fallacy that I don’t deserve to be comfortable or loved.

Spending time in silence allows me to enjoy and relax, all in the presence of my Higher Self. In challenging times, I often can’t hear the whispers of my Higher Self reminding me to breathe as fear takes over. Fear underlies anger and shame and all that is immobilizing.

I mull about in the cacophony of painful thoughts until I remember—wait a minute! I count here. I deserve more and I learn much easier with tenderness. I can open the door to comfort and understanding, and ease.

My anger works for me. My anger is the bulldozer that blasts the door open, removes the fears barring my way, and encourages me to regain the tender comfort I deserve. Nothing keeps me from loving and caring for myself except me.

Sometimes from sorrow, for no reason, you sing. For no reason, you accept the way of being lost, cutting loose from all else and electing a world where you go where you want to.

Arbitrary, a sound comes, a reminder that a steady center is holding all else. If you listen, that sound will tell where it is, and you can slide your way past trouble.

Certain twisted monsters always bar the path – but that’s when you get going best, glad to be lost, learning how real it is here on the earth, again and again.

Participants’ Reflections:

  • The line that jumped out at me was meander in my imagination. I am a Meyer-Briggs ESFJ which tends to be a person who takes what is perceived by the senses. I love this invitation to go beyond that.

  • Thank you. This was right on for me. It was very intense. I’m doing a lot of dreamwork. I’ve opened up some places that I’ve had closed for a long time, related to my childhood. One piece I’m looking at a lot right now is the anger I experienced and witnessed as a child. I witnessed a lot of anger by my parents. Things would get violent. It’s coming up for me in little places, like standing in line at a grocery store. Things that normally would be annoying I’m now experiencing as anger because I’ve opened up that window. I am realizing I need skills around conflict resolution because I don’t think I ever learned what I need to learn around processing my anger and looking at it. You said something. I look at anger as a bad thing, but it’s not, in the right context. I had a powerful dream last night about chaos personified. This reading was very powerful and timely for me.

  • I learned through parenting my daughter that anger is a fuel which I can use to hurt me or to compel me to make changes. It’s a fuel. I changed my relationship to anger because I was afraid of my anger. It felt so much bigger than me until I funneled it into action to make change. It was a process that helped me. And there are times I put my angry pants on when I feel anger. I want to honor it and use it to compel me into right action. My anger pants have suspenders that I snap into place. Doing this helps in my growth process to use my anger instead of deny it.

  • Thank you. I have the same story about anger. My father’s anger was so large, I didn’t want to be like him. So I wasn’t angry about anything. It wasn’t until I felt safe with a therapist that I was able to express my anger. It was freeing for me and know that I was not my father and I wouldn’t go hitting things. I did learn that anger is a fuel and it helped me stand up for myself when I felt wronged. It was powerful. I like the line where you say my anger is a bulldozer that blasts doors open. Thank you.

  • Thank you. Great reading. A friend of mine was angry about things, numbing herself out on cigarettes and alcohol. We started going to women’s groups and learned things for our growth. She became a runner. When she was in one particular race with some people who literally trampled and pushed her stepping on her feet, she got so angry that she won the race. She beat all these men and women younger than her.

  • Thank you for the reading. The message I got was not to abandon myself and to stick up for myself and love myself. I think that’s where the anger can come from, me abandoning myself. When people around me are abandoning me, it’s about me not abandoning me. It’s a loving thing to treat myself with respect and love. Self-care. Thank you.

  • Thank you for your reading. Self-care and not abandoning myself is a theme I’ve been with for a long time now. My father had a big temper. One of the things I was sorting out is anger resulting from a temper and getting mad very quickly. I have that, I get angry quickly and then I get sidetracked because it scares me. It doesn’t make sense why I would be so angry. I would rather sort out what it is that’s not right for me. For me, it’s a signal, a message that something is bothering me that I don’t like. Many times, it’s subtle. I know it’s there but I’m not connecting it to what it’s fully about. I find it important to separate anger from temper and put it with self-care.

  • It’s an interesting thought to slow the process down so it can be seen easier. When I get upset, things speed up and I don’t catch the little clues to figure out where the source is.

  • One time in my life, I sorted that out and it took me weeks. I was working with someone who was upset with something I did, and in a meeting, he called me out on it. I felt extremely humiliated and angry. It took me a couple of weeks to sort through what I was angry about so that I could speak to him directly about it. I used role-playing in order to do it. He apologized to me and also publicly apologized. Whether he had done anything, I had to do something. That was a powerful experience. I don’t get to that place a lot of times as I have more subtle experiences. It was a pivotal time in my life.

  • Thank you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your energy with us. I am approaching this day steady and present with myself, remembering my heart is the center of my being. When I lose that connection, I reconnect by putting my hand on my heart. That is my goal for today to be steady with myself. I wish you all gentleness in finding that favorite sit-spot, whether it’s physically or in your imagination. It’s all worth it because we are worth it. Have a gentle day.

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