Sometimes I don’t have a clue
what to do next
Though my filing cabinet
is full of life experiences
What works what doesn’t
Open doors
and don’t go there agains
Welcome this in but don’t choose that
Knowledge with hindsight
Speaking with awareness
I am emerging through the
What if’s, should do’s, have to’s
Flip flopping between what is right
and what makes me happy
the discerning that happens
minute by minute
Where I place my attention
Where I put my efforts
Where to move my body
What action to take
What to think
What to feel
Let this in
block that out
For it takes but a second
To feel an explosion of bliss
Or an explosion of sorrow
To the next step of
Letting go or hanging on
Freeing the triggers
Or harboring them in pain
Dancing in joy
Or frozen in silence
I am a body of awareness
Aging into intentional steps
Of choices, emotions,
actions and reactions
practicing life with a cabinet
full of experiences
carefully engaging
day by day
my fields of intention
sometimes stepping in a hole
recovering and capturing
more hindsight and grace
Challenges will come
Flow will follow
With my breath
Allowing me to land
On my feet
As I continue into understanding
My awareness is a gift
My intention is the rudder
My breath is my fuel
Participants’ Reflections:
During the meditation, I thought about doorways. One you’ve gone through before, now looks different. You can check with an inner knowing; check to see if that’s where you want to go
I was thinking about how we get bombarded by decisions. I’ve learned to take a pause when I have to make a big decision. I do a menial task to buy myself some time, like wash the dishes or sort the socks. If I grapple with the moral thing in there. It‘s big. I give myself permission to not make the decision immediately. If someone is boxing me in to make it by some deadline, usually my answer is no. Time things are maddening. And answers can come from community.
Changing perspective helps me too
This was a very meaningful reading. I heard the phrase “I am awareness.” Humans have a choice to go away from one thought path or go towards it. I sent an intention in silence. In a meditative state, I set an intention to be in peace. I bring self back to peace.
This is a powerful thing to do. Freeing
I thought about struggle. I used to struggle, thought life was supposed to be like “Leave it to Beaver.” I’ve gained more acceptance of the downs. I have tools today. I used to drink to avoid the downs. I’ve learned it is ok to be sad and mad. When I feel mistreated now, I speak up. I’m not buying into the old messages, the shoulds, “you should be able to handle that.” I’m praying for you, when I went through my divorce, I brought something to court with me.
I need this support now. Yesterday was hard. I’m in a writing workshop, someone in it passed away from a cycling accident. He was a great person; he gave me permission to grieve. One can feel quite intimate with writing friends because of what you share. He wrote a story about cycling back in time to the womb while physically riding forward on his bike. I reread his piece last night. It’s an amazing metaphor. I’ve been crying about that and for three years of dealing with my daughter’s mental issues.
You are at a sad door. He is in your life. Now that he is on the other side, he is your ally. I encourage you to keep talking with him
This idea of being backed into corner I can relate to. I am taking this 1/2 hour for myself and it feels good. Yesterday was a whirlwind. I am grateful my family is around. There is chaos. I am able to shut the door for myself and give myself this half hour. It is valuable time for me
It’s not easy to make choices, with all the demands on us. It’s important to focus on and develop tools. I’ve used the tools in Susan Jeffers’ book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway for years. It is one of many resources for my toolbelt.
I am grateful for the support this group brings me