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Letting Go of Outcomes

I let go of outcomes. An affirmation sign I have displayed on an index card all over my living space because I tend to be goal oriented and lean toward expecting what I want instead of accepting what is. It’s all connected with expectations and expectancy, a topic we talk about a lot here. Growing up in an alcoholic home, I wanted safety and steadiness around me though what I got was chaos and disappointment. It hurts when I feel disappointment.

Acceptance doesn’t mean being a doormat and accepting pain and suffering. It means taking what happens in life and finding the gems within the challenge. It means advocating for my best and highest good as I navigate through my life. It means respecting my needs and honoring my emotions. We are not on this earth to suffer. We are here to learn at a soul level what our truth is, what love and joy is in the vessel called our body.

I use affirmations to help guide me. “I am a Soul. I have a body” is another one. “I love and accept myself” is a favorite.

I don’t even notice the affirmations after a while, and I know my brain subliminally sees the words. Written in the present tense as if the statement exists in the now, I am retraining my mind to believe the words.

Words are super powerful. They carry a message and an energy that impacts me intellectually and emotionally. As a feel the fear and do it anyway teacher, I demonstrate the power of words using someone in the audience. I have probably demonstrated this exercise over 50 times and never disappointed in the outcome. Words are powerful.

A volunteer stands next to me. This demonstration uses muscle testing, tapping into the strength of the body using a resistance technique. I ask them to hold out their arm and resist my attempt at pushing it down. I then ask them to repeat this sentence ten times.

“I am not a worthy person.”

Eyes open or closed, it doesn’t matter. They repeat it with me keeping count.

Then I muscle test the same arm again with the same resistance technique and always, ALWAYS, their arm has less strength no matter how hard they try.

Then I ask them to repeat this sentence ten times:

“I am a worthy person.”

Eyes open or closed, it doesn’t matter. They repeat the sentence and I keep count.

Then I muscle test the same arm again with the same resistance technique and always, ALWAYS, their arm is strong, rock steady.

It’s an amazing demonstration of the power of words. I stand by it every time.

I monitor my reactions to everything and when I discover a core belief or fear that takes away the vitality of my being, I counteract it with an affirmation. I have been practicing this type of mindfulness training for years and it works.

Affirmations are effective and helpful. They act as guideposts to retrain the brain.

Susan Jeffers, the author of feel the fear and do it anyway is an expert on affirmations. She offers a small pdf book on how to create affirmations. You can get the book here.

We stand at the gate of our own awareness and can choose to access helpful resources. We can also choose to hold back and believe what our fear is feeding us. It’s a choice we all have. Whatever choice we make, we learn from the choices. The paths we take always come back to opportunities to choose again. Always being gentle with our choices. We deserve tender support.

Chant that you are brave, Even as your body begins to quake; Exclaim that you need not be saved, Endeavor to alter your own fate. Affirmations deserve more credit; Say anything enough and you'll believe. It's wholly possible to edit, A new response to fear needs to be conceived. Therapy is not at my beck and call, But willpower will help me revise, Prevent me from facing a dastardly fall, A pivoting, terminating demise.

Participants’ Reflections:

  • Thank you. I like looking at affirmations on the walls. Sometimes I connect to them, sometimes I ignore them. I know they are working on my brain. I am grateful you talked about the muscle testing and the power of words. I’ve been watching the Donna Eden’s Energy Healing Challenge. She demonstrates how things affect our energy and she uses muscle testing. Today’s is about Getting Grounded. I’ve been doing the exercises. I feel it helps keep my energy strong. I feel I am changing and growing and it gets scary where I am going, and I know I have to keep my energy strong. It will all take care of itself. In terms of the willpower mentioned in the poem, I don’t think willpower helps me at all. I have no willpower and I have to turn things over to my Higher Power in order to stay sane and keep serene. It’s good to get out of routines. It changes perspective.

  • It’s an odd feeling to speak up and not be called on, but that is part of self-esteem. As an elementary school teacher, we taught IALAC, which stands for I Am Loveable and Capable. I realize that we need to tell ourselves that at all ages and circumstances. This reflection also brought up dealing with disappointment. When something shifts from a plan, I’ve spent my life adjusting for the sake of others. This past weekend, I was looking forward to sharing an event with someone I am close to. She had to pull out at the last minute. And as usual, I adjusted to it. As I was driving to the event on my own, I realized I was really disappointed. In the past, I would have stuffed it. But this time, I wrote her and told her I was disappointed. It didn’t change anything, but it honored me. I am learning that here, learning to honor myself and name the feeling.

  • Thank you. I experienced a couple of strong reflections. One was having to do with physical strength, but more than that. My spouse can no longer help and I’ve had to do it all or figure out how to do things. I had to carry some heavy things down two flights of stairs. I noticed my strong feeling that I hated doing this, that it was too hard for me. That I don’t want to be doing this and wondered whether I am strong enough to do this. At the same time, I was curious and interested in problem-solving. There was a sense of feeling I’m not strong enough and I don’t like it. People always did things for me, being the youngest in my family. I was struck by having both reactions. I figured out a great way to move the heavy things down and into the car.

  • I reflected on the power of words we say to ourselves and how we believe them. I came up with an affirmation, “I am worthy, physically strong and healthy.” Then I wondered why I said worthy. I connect it to my mother’s passing when I was very young and my guilt around her death and my actions. During the reflection, I realized how I still carry around a sense of responsibility for her death and my feelings of being unworthy.

  • It reminds me of what Matt Kahn says. “You hear it, you clear it. You feel it, you heal it.” When those feelings come up, they’re doing more than reminding you of those feelings. They are being expressed and it’s healing.

  • What you say about the words being the affirmations—sometimes the word affirmation means nothing. But today, it meant more to me. If you say the words and you end up believing it more, that’s in you. You can trust that. It’s not some simple miracle cure. It’s not cheesy.

  • Thank you everyone for all you’ve said. I had an unexpected event yesterday. I was taking a walk on a paved path and wooded area and suddenly I fell on my face. It was quite scary for a moment, but then when I came to, I realized I was okay. Two young people came over to help me. I said I was okay. That’s an affirmation that just came out. When I am in shock like that, to say something like that made me better. Even short affirmations are good. I’m okay, I’m okay.

  • I’m glad I wrote about this today. It’s an effort to stay focused when I’m challenged on the inside. My behavior is changing and I’m finding I have more awareness of what is going on inside rather than the outside. This is a huge difference for me. I have been so safety-oriented. All my life I’ve been so aware of everything around me, and I seem to be letting go of that. It’s interesting to reflect on how we change as we change. It’s good.

  • Thank you. Thank you for joining me. I encourage you to check out the pdf of what an affirmation is, how to write it, ideas on what it can be, because creating affirmations put the control in our hands, not at the mercy of our cathartic emotions. I hope you all have a gentle day. I hope you find comfort in yourself today as you move on your journey, and not be too hard on yourself because opportunities always come around again. There’re always more choices because opportunities always come around again. Choose with tenderness, gentling ourselves in whatever decision that’s made. Have a good day.


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