Individually Together

I’m lost today not knowing what to write about, slashing every idea with my inner critic reminding me it’s not good enough.

Sometimes I am blown away by my High Power and find comfort and inspiration in my words. Other days I am blocked by judgment wandering among poems and thoughts looking for something to inspire me. I am lost. It’s easier sorting out solid facts, organizing the physical chaos.

I put myself up on a pedestal and crash down. I lie flat at the bottom of the barrel and pick myself up. I am a yoyo. I hear myself share with others my wisdom and hit the wall in my confusion. This being human part is hard. This being spirit part is fleeting. I want constant. I want control. I want the expected. I want to be free of my doubt.

Usually, my confusion comes days after I am inspired by an expansiveness beyond my understanding. My mind literally goes beyond its ability to make sense and I am left speechless. I boomerang back to the basics of brushing my teeth, eating and sleeping.

This past week held stunning miracles of the heart. Several times I awoke to a mundane day and then got blown away by visions in meditation. I go to sleep feeling somewhat normal and wake to infinity. I don’t know how to live one foot in this physical world and the other foot in the energy world. I live not knowing.

Back at the end of 2005, I was shuffling along with my life with a growing inner knowing and feeling there is more. I have a constant task accepting that my body is really an antenna hearing and feeling everything around me. Back then I experienced repeated visions that didn’t make sense. My inside guidance posed questions to me asking if I were alone, what would make me happy? I had no answer. I wasn’t alone. I kept seeing flashes of a different living situation. I was confused. I was uneasy. I felt like something was going to happen. I lived not knowing

Of course, it all makes sense now. My then wife was killed in a car accident. I did end up living alone and my living situation were the visions I saw of people gathering around me sleeping on the floor helping me cope with the traumatic change in my life.

It’s no great surprise we are all on the cusp of change, with the vaccine more prevalently available, awareness of so many changes and the shifting from the old paradigm to new ways of existing. We are living through a major change or ascension

I’m not jumping to any conclusion that my life will change so dramatically as it did then. I don’t sense any upcoming traumas. I do sense this meditation community is central to my life and our lives. I do sense each of us is participating in this meditation community and are living metaphors of breaking open and healing. We are demonstrating the power of giving ourselves what we so desperately want from outside of us. We are demonstrating by our very existence the answers we want are within. We are a living, breathing community with strong boundaries, maintaining a silent inward focus.

When some struggle, others stand tall. When some fall, others inspire. When some experience joy, we all feel it. We are a living breathing entity. We are living in the new paradigm gentling ourselves, loving ourselves, respecting ourselves and we are shifting everyday as we live in extraordinary awareness honoring our divine natures.

There is power in not knowing. We weather together. We inspire together. Thank you for participating individually together.

How the Light Comes by Jan Richardson

I cannot tell you how the light comes. What I know is that it is more ancient than imagining.

That it travels across an astounding expanse to reach us.

That it loves searching out what is hidden, what is lost, what is forgotten or in peril or in pain.