I remember reading a book to my daughters where we had to find the tiny mouse on every page. A tiny hidden mouse amidst a cacophony of colors and characters. The presence of finding the mouse made the book fun and everyone participated with the goal of finding it.
This little tiny character came to mind this morning as I thought about a core belief that keeps showing up in my life. This tiny character is on every page, every scenario I have lived through, every replay of circumstance, every interaction. She’s cute until you look closely and realize she is raggedly dressed, haggard looking but always there. She does not look happy. She looks like she wants to be invisible. She looks sorry.
Her name is Sorry. She believes she is wrong. Every action every thought, every feeling is wrong. Her job is to figure out what is wrong and change it. Her job is never done. She can never relax because right has to be found. Right has to be achieved.
As an adult, I continue to gather more understanding and cultivate compassion as I envision myself one of five innocent hypersensitive children within a dysfunctional family unit. I can only speak for myself. I felt things—things happened—they were my fault. I see now blame didn’t belong on anyone’s shoulders. Deep wounds were carried forward by my ancestors through generations until now. I’m working on the forgiveness part.
Without awareness, I have lived my life believing I’ve done something wrong. I am changing that.
With awareness, I face every situation with an intention to discern the facts and with expectancy, strive to get results that are for my highest and best good.
With awareness, I help those I love with an intention to discern the facts, do the best to problem solve, and trust the outcomes will be for their highest and best good. I cannot control their destiny. I can control my attitude.
I set goals and make plans and am open to all possibilities as they develop. I am free from any label. I am a good problem solver. I deserve goodness in my life. Difficult things will arise and I do my best in facing them.
"Most people do not see their beliefs, their beliefs tell them what to see. This is the simple difference between clarity and confusion." - Matt Kahn
The Art of Load-Bearing and Distribution
by Jules Bubacz (from We’Moon 2020: Wake Up Call, p 169)
Last night under a sky That was filled With more starlight Than blackness I threw up my Attachments Aiming the big, Heavy bundle At a shooting star In a hope It would take My burden With its burning speed Dispersing it into The universe Shredding it To pieces
Yesterday (see Dec 8 blog), we talked about names and I love the name that means “the beloved.” The people here who have that name, I’ve decided to see them as reminders of my desire to be closer to the beloved.