I slept all day yesterday
Feeling exhausted and listless
On the edge of sickness
Stopped fighting to surrendering
Started with the wondering
If this is it and I’ve got it
What am I going to say?
Where did I get it and who did I give it to?
It’s so easy to fall into
The abyss of despair
riding the fear swirling in the
sea of unconsciousness.
Memories point fingers
Chomping on my arms and pulling me in
And I remember I have a choice
I don’t have to give in.
My old surrender looked like bread with butter
And a tantrum inducing panic that curled me up.
My old surrender was wrapped in a candy bar
over stuffed stomach to the pain of distraction
Hello Divine I am Hello
I look down into my tender hands
Carrying my heart with deep respect
Hello Divine I Am Hello
Surrender looks like a good movie
As I’m cuddled in a blanket with a cup of tea.
Surrender looks like a library book
Surrender feels the sunshine sitting on the deck.
This audience of fear
That clamors for my attention
Is singing its familiar song
clapping wild with insistence
I recognize the voices, the images
Are familiar; I recognize the dark hole
And choose not to accept for I am
Worth fighting for in my surrender
Hello Divine I Am Hello
(The phrase “Hello Divine I Am Hello” is from Matt Kahn’s Where Healing & Realization Meet)
There is a wholeness that’s already mine.
It’s already ours.
I am not just the seed,
I am the rain that waters the flower.
It’s a reality that’s already there,
That I am enough.
I take on faith
That wholeness is already mine,
That I need do nothing to deserve,
That my worthiness is based only on my being.
I am wise enough to let go,
And I am strong enough to remember the truth
Of who I really am.
I can encounter the world
In such a way
That I remember who I am.
I am the rest inside the unrest.
I am the depth of the sky,
And the light piercing the sea.
I am the crest of a wave.
All that I need to be,
There is no problem to solve in this moment.
There is no plan to make,
No failure to be feared,
No other place to be.
This moment is enough.
This place is enough.
This imperfection is enough.
I am patient enough for my life to unfold in divine timing.
I feel the fullness of my life in this moment.
I feel the richness of my life in this space.
I am loved beyond thought,
And I have nothing to prove.
There is no one to impress.
I receive the message
That being is enough.
I am wise enough to see magic through a child’s eyes.
I am resilient enough to see past the pain.
I am kind enough to realize
That my worth has been with me
This whole time.
Beyond the shadows
That I have created,
The message remains:
I am the same.
I have always been enough,
Simply by being here.
Simply by being.
It only takes a moment,
And I remember this again.
I got caught up in the fear yesterday, too, during the day and then woke up early in the morning with it again. I was able to pull myself together eventually. Our lives have such changes that trigger this fear.
We do have control over our fear. It takes mindfulness.
A couple of lines stick with me. Today it’s “I am worthy enough.” The word “enough” seems to make the difference. I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of all beings. I believe that, but when it comes to myself, it feels like just words. When I put the word “enough” after it, it helps me own the truth of those words and helps keep me going. “I am patient enough.” I’m patient enough to get through things. I am worthy enough and patient enough for being not necessarily for doing.
Good share. Good centering. The whole concept of being was enough. Very grounding to hear. The simplicity of it is welcome in a world where we do so much doing. I have to evaluate my risk factors every day. I count up my risk points. I look at my choices. Sometimes I use up my risk points quickly. I have to pace myself and bring myself back to center.
Thank you for that reading. I was feeling very overwhelmed this morning. I made a soul collage card full of faeries, multiple layers of flower faeries. During the meditation I visualized laying on a flower petal and being surrounded by the love and the joy. I felt comfort today.
I liked the “enough” which is very helpful. I have experienced a tidal wave of fear. Yesterday I spent time with a plant I love on my fire escape. There was a chewed pinecone spine sitting in my plant. I was delighted to think about a squirrel who chewed on the pinecone and left it for me as a gift. It pulled me out of the COVID fear. I’m grateful for this group. It’s such a peaceful time that helps through the day.
Something about yesterday’s and today’s readings got me thinking about our lives constantly in a balance point. Decisions – realism versus hope; freedom versus responsibility; busy-ness versus business. It’s so important to look at ourselves in the present. We’re always on the balance of the present with who I was and who I will be.
The power is in the now of who I am. It brings us back to the Divine I Am.
I loved the line “Hello Divine I Am.” When I think about it, we have just ourselves and if we see ourselves as divine, it’s a huge thing. We are so often critical and not living in the knowledge of our goodness.
A great resource for me is Face COVID by Russ Harris. It’s a list of what you can do when you’re feeling fear. An example is acknowledging what you’re feeling. Another line is identifying resources. This meditation is a huge resource. We have this group. I feel this group behind me. During the day I think of it often. It’s an anchor.
Matt Kahn is an incredible spiritual teacher. A few days ago, he did a two-hour talk on Youtube. That’s where I learned the line “Hello Divine I Am Hello”. He talks about every one of us in this world has a Divine I Am no matter what they out-picture as their humanness. It’s a reminder for me to remember Hello Divine I Am because when I start focusing on my fear and pointing fingers at people, I remember Hello Divine I Am. It helps me detach myself from my fear.