Walking this morning the air smells alive teeming with freshness, birds chirping and the glistening of new raindrops everywhere. At the same time, I’m feeling a sense of dread and anger. The world looks one way and it feels another way.
This is the great dismantling going on, a change in the world that has been coming for a long time.
It wasn’t too long ago taking care of my chronically-ill daughter, I found myself living in the same duality with the beauty of the outside world and the sadness and fear on my inside world, both existing simultaneously.
The term is cognitive dissonance.
According to Wiki,
“Leon Festinger's theory of cognitive dissonance focuses on how humans strive for internal consistency. When inconsistency (dissonance) is experienced, individuals tend to become psychologically uncomfortable and they are motivated to attempt to reduce this dissonance, as well as actively avoiding situations and information which are likely to increase it.”
Uncomfortable it is. I find myself sitting in discomfort, fidgeting, unable to make a decision, struggling with focus, disinterested in some things and more interested in finding distractions that zone me out. Like stupid TV shows and staring off into space disassociating from life. I don’t think I’m alone.
We are survivors in many senses of the word. We are resilient beings holding a duality of our own. We are human flesh and bones with emotions and intelligence. AND we are also spiritual beings with the ability to connect to a deeper sense of universal love than our intelligence can find.
There is more to this world than the dismantling we witness. There are acts of kindness occurring every minute of every hour of the day. Ordinary people seeking guidance from within their hearts. Citizens feeling anger and choosing to funnel their anger into actions that help not hurt. We’re creating a tipping point of change by sitting in this very meditation. Each of us has the ability to wear our angry pants and identify where we want to use this anger energy to make a change in the world. We each have the ability to take a stand on what helps. We each have a responsibility to work towards the good, not enhance violence and hate.
It’s a decision we face every day as we hear the news, witness the pain and injustice. The decision of how we will use our energy; what words we will say that represent our direction; and most importantly, how gentle and loving we will treat ourselves. It starts within. Be patient with yourself.
Be patient with yourself. If I’m impatient and tell myself to be patient, then I am judging myself. I am naturally impatient. I will be more patient with self. I am used to making things happen. Nothing I can do now. It is a big lesson for me to learn to be patient with myself.
I liked the term cognitive dissonance. It’s been back and forth, I’m sad then busy. I have trouble reading. You are naming what we are experiencing. I have to remember to hold things in the light, don’t go into righteousness. Stay in the pain. It does create dissonance.
It is part of the process of the dismantling.
Tonight is the full moon and an eclipse. These cause upheaval. I appreciate owning it. Thank you for your words, thoughts, presence. In the reading, I picked up on the idea of being distracted. My mother was distracted and not present. I’ve been sober 30 years and I was distracted too, just in a different way. I thought I was doing good things. I didn’t feel safe going to that place, fidgety. I’m learning to take care self in different ways. A friend says “when we know better, we do better.”
We're doing the best we can.
Cognitive dissonance has positive connotations. We need the rubbing up against something. The change helps us grow. During the meditation, I said my mantra about nature. I saw an image of a field full of flowers, a great mountain range, and oceans with dolphins. The world can do this.
It was a healing vision
My client was in despair yesterday. I sat with her for an hour listening to her. I am wondering if she is picking up on the global energy. What I can do for her is to just love her and listen. During the meditation, it came to me to send love letters, be in love. Decision making is getting difficult. Telling myself to just try something, then something else. With persistence, I can do this.
Gentle loving persistence
During the meditation, I came back to kindness. To be in the certainty of how we want to be
To be in our truth. Words are powerful, how we use them.