I’m recognizing my discomfort in waiting
My new routine has been disrupted and I’m wandering in circles
And it seems to magnify the old routine that is no longer
Life has changed so fast. Right under my very feet
I have experienced pockets of time where
I’ve forgotten about precautions
And left the house strolling to my car
Without a mask in hand
I jerk myself back to the awareness
I need to stay safe and free from COVID
It’s a jarring feeling and realization
Of how much has changed in life.
I don’t like it, I say with a sneery grimace
When will my teeth stop clenching?
I think about citizens in a war-torn country
Living day in and day out under the threat of attack
Did they find a routine amidst their peril?
New routines and keen awareness are born out of survival
Leaning in to community, friends and family
Are a necessity.
I am leaning in to my hopes and interests
And creativity and spending time in an inside
World that gives me comfort and understanding
Of the turmoil we are living in.
I ask for patience and trust every morning
Chanting each word with each
footstep on my morning walk
one mile of patience and trust
I understand order would not exist
If there was no chaos
I find some comfort in assembling
Jigsaw puzzles for that very reason
Our world has been in disorder
For a very long time
And it requires patience as the
Disorder is sorted, exposed
And chaos is lessened
And order sprouts into the newness.
My job is to maintain order
amidst my chaos
And continue to cultivate
My ability to stay in the present
Bring myself back to the now
Eckhart Tolle writes about The Opportunity in Adversity:
“So here we are at this time, and our mission is the same: to align with the present moment, with whatever is happening here and now. The upheaval that we’re experiencing at the present time probably will not be the last upheaval that’s going to come on a collective level. However, it is an opportunity—because although this is a time for upheavals, it is also a time for awakening. The two go together. Just as in an individual life, you need adversity to awaken. It’s an opportunity but not a guarantee. And so what looks tragic and unpleasant on a conventional level is actually perfectly fine and as it should be on a higher level; it would not be happening otherwise. It’s all part of the awakening of human beings and of planetary awakening.”
The ground has to lie fallow sometimes, in order to produce.
Waiting is a topic. I think of expectancy that we’ve talked about before. I think of the image of a candle, which is a symbol of hope, of waiting, of grieving, sitting shiva. The image with a candle as a guide. We will be guided, hard to be in present when there is no movement. I find joy in acceptance. Community helps us. This morning I woke up cranky, I am going to stay in my day.
This idea of the world waking up. Sometimes we don’t want to get up with all the things going on. I had a vision of kids shaking their parents awake. Sometimes we jump up out of bed, sometimes we need a push.
I love the idea how each can help each other.
I’m thinking of that song “I Get by with a Little Help from My Friends.” It helps to share, not to hold things in and suffer. It is comforting, this is the growth of the planet.
A wise person told me that “when we are in the middle of a growth spurt, it feels uncomfortable.” I judge it as bad. But the goal is to reframe it as new. It helps me sit with the crab. In a day or so, I then wonder what was that all about.
Acceptance is the key to my joy today.
This morning, I wrote pages about what I am waiting for. Waiting is.
If my car broke down, I'd get it fixed. These are problems of prosperity.
As a grumpy spell came over me, I know gratitude helps. In this state, I write down all the problems, and then review it looking for gratitude in each one. It helps.
Writing gives space to something; that way it's not as consuming and takes out the knot inside us.
Writing unfurls them. Let's us see them. Writing is powerful.
Sometimes we have a happy problem.
In Rumi’s “Guesthouse”, he talks about greeting great sorrows at the door laughing.