Updated: Oct 18, 2020
I am 67 years old. I was born an energy healer. Every experience good and bad, every footstep padded on this earth in this lifetime has led to this statement. As I uncover this truth of who I am, I remember years of denial based on fears and beliefs held like concrete walls in my body based on convictions so intricately constructed they are being dismantled as puzzles.
I remember a healer in California I worked with. I have had stomach problems all my life. As she scanned my body, we talked about my fears and my beliefs. She spoke words representing my fear at the same time she described the black vortex of energy she was pulling from my abdomen. Her detailed description astounded me as I could picture it too. Where did it come from? I asked. I learned my belief system became a conviction that created an energy taking up space in my abdomen – real space. It can’t be seen by the naked eye but is there. I have been uncovering and dismantling my belief systems that no longer serve me since then and will continue to do so. Another wall came tumbling down today. This work takes courage and commitment.
I have a friend who was overwhelmed with her life, fell behind in filing income tax returns, borrowed money and fell behind in paying back the loan. Through the struggle to get her life under control, she discovered an internal belief system about money and self worth. She was heavily laden with grief in this predicament and carried additional shame. As she educated herself on the power of her thoughts, she began visually erasing the debt on a daily basis. She affirmed her freedom from debt as the positive outcome. She wrote; she saw a therapist; she worked on her belief system. She had courage and determination to work through the force of her fears and today is debt free.
My intention in sharing is to impart the power of our convictions based on fears and the resulting belief systems. Our hearts and our minds hold the power of an army to face these walls and tumble them down. It takes determination, patience and persistence. Remember, there’s the other side of the coin. This internal power is there for us to uncover, dismantle and rebuild belief systems and convictions that support us, nurture us, inspire us and enable us to thrive. We are not alone in this process. Ask your higher power. Ask your internal silence for help, clarity and direction for your highest and best good, and act as if you believe this internal presence is there until it shows itself in all its beauty.
Good reflection. What you feed, you make real. I was feeling frustrations, because some things are not going my way. During the meditation, I worked at reframing. All will be well. I thought about how my higher power was there as I was a kid, sometimes in nature, sometimes in people. People who have blessed me and helped me, a little here and there. Comforting me to know all will be well.
This reading was so special to me. It put words to what a person has felt. The words about ‘dismantling walls’. I was condemned and judged for 65 years by being in an evangelical church as a lesbian. I moved away and started taking classes on imperfections, and I found my way to spiritual support.
I heard your words about “our hearts holding the power to take an army down”. I have learned from Internal Family Systems. I learned that I abandoned part of myself. I did it for a good reason. A cement wall had to be dismantled. The part of me that I abandoned couldn’t speak up. I learned about that. Now I'm adult who can make choices and reparent the parts I abandoned.
In the internal family system, there are all these parts. Like Self with a capital S. We can distance from different parts. The Self can help reparent us. I used to experience sadness and think it was all of me. Now I see it's just a part of me.
We forget things we learned. But we come back to it. We get pulled away. Remembering to come back.
Thank you for word “conviction”. I’ve been wrestling with understanding how I've turned beliefs into convictions, and then convictions into world views, and then defending that conviction. I have to get distance from convictions. I learned to change the words “I am sad” to “something in me is sad and I am saying hello to that”. By getting distance, I am learning to not repeat the conviction.
Last night I had an annoyance and I directed my annoyance at my wife. I realized I could start a fight or talk about my feelings. I looked at what I was feeling and saw it was me, not her.
I see images. Today, I was descending into a bog which is this pandemic and fear, and I realized I could float on top of it. I felt safe. In another image, my husband had a haircut so I knew Covid was over.
There is such a collective power in this group, our sharing, and the sayings. I feel sadness over how many people are living in quiet desperation who could benefit from this.
Everyone has their journey and they find things in time. The world is squeezing us at the moment and people are searching.