Yesterday I rebooted around 4:30pm. I was jazzed, jangled, over stimulated, worried, weepy with nothing to weep about, vulnerable and angry. I surrendered. I went to bed.
Often when I reboot, I find something inane to do like a solitaire game on my phone, a crossword puzzle that’s doable, something rote and achievable so I can accomplish something successfully. Something I learned from a therapist long ago. I need solitude and occasionally I need to bury myself under the covers. It always works to restore some sense of myself.
Pluto is in retrograde until October 2020. You’ve heard Mercury in retrograde I’m sure. Like the moon and the tides affect our emotions? Other planets affect our emotions too. I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I am affected though.
According to Alex Myles, an astronomer on Facebook with a following of almost 200,000 people - “During this retrograde we will be overcoming our deepest fears and eliminating any habits or patterns that are limiting and self-sabotaging.” She goes on to say “Old programmes and outdated structures are deconstructing in preparing for a magnificent collective reset and restructure. Truths are being revealed and we are now reclaiming our power.”
We are in the great dismantling and recalibrating of our planet. It’s a global change and we’re living it. Whether you believe it or not, change is happening before our eyes. It’s not pretty, and it’s not fun. It’s hard work. Sadly, casualties occur and sometimes amazing out-of-the-box discoveries occur. It’s my goal to keep one foot moving in front of the other. Fears arise and I use my resources to deal with them with the aim of finding my heart again.
Understanding fear helps me live in a world of change. Dr. Susan Jeffers teaches there are three levels of fear.
The first level has two categories: Those that happen and those that require action. A quick example is aging – something that happens beyond my control. The other level one category is those that require action like driving on the highway.
The second level of fear underneath the first level is fear created by the ego. An example is fear of failure or rejection.
And finally, the third level of fear nestled quietly underneath the upper two levels is our fear we can’t handle it what comes our way.
It’s like a ladder. Something happens and I react with fear, worry about aging or worry about the chaotic driving on the highway. That’s the top rung of the ladder.
Underneath that rung is my fear of looking like an idiot, people honking at me because I’m overwhelmed on the highway.
Underneath it all is the bottom-line fear that I can’t handle any of it. But I can. We can.
I am handling my life every day, hour by hour and minute by minute. It’s when I start gathering my worries into days and months, maybe years, I’m out of the present moment and into worst-case scenarios and fear.
With awareness, I recognize the fears that come up and figure out where I am on the ladder. It helps to step back and reflect. We are amazing, adaptable, unique problem solvers with good intentions and open hearts. I keep my nose in the present, my feet on the ground and my head held high. We are doing this together.
Can’t usually get into a meditative zone when my mind is going all over the place. I was able to today. That was great.
I was thinking about all the different energies you bring to us. You are like a mirror we can relate to. During the meditation, I saw us all in a big circle holding ribbons that reached to you in the middle of us. This is a wonderful group to be in.
Thank you for the cheerlead. Every morning, I watch a fox. This morning, it was the closest she has came, as she trotted across my yard. I looked up what this means. People say trickster. But the deeper meaning is alert and aware, quick in choosing. It made sense to me regarding your reading. And every morning here in the meditation circle, I have found that after I meditate and then open my eyes, I see a deep blue in that minute.
I could identify with your message of rebooting. I get caught in a vortex going down. And that finding self crying for no reason. I drive a bus for work. I’ve found myself sitting there okay and then the layers of fear start. From imaginary things. The reparenting helps, I tell myself I am safe. I’ve learned I don’t have to guide my kids. I’ve learned to say “I trust you'll figure it out.” That’s huge for me. And I’m treating myself that way now as well, trusting that I’ll figure something out.
You are creating space.
I like that idea of a vortex going down to deeper levels. I had an image that one can go up it too. Like love being up here at the top of the vortex. It’s a hopeful image to me.
I got that image of the ladder. Usually, with a ladder, we want to get to the top rung. This fear thing means going to the third rung. Trying to figure that out.
I see the correlation of fear and anger. Today’s my daughter’s birthday and I was remembering the breech Lamaze they were doing. It was really hard work. They finally anesthetized me and I got angry. But I see now that it was actually fear, that I was not going to be able to bond with my daughter. I just made that correlation. My daughter turned 50 today.
Today is my father’s birthday as well. He would have been 102 today. When some interaction is quick but leads to years of thought and emotions, that’s a complex system, which is what he studied. Very powerful reading today.
Our memories are so alive