Both Sides Now

A certain feeling comes over me when I hear true words spoken. Words can be whispered and yet if truthful, have a strength so loud they resonate a deep knowing that settles like a gymnast landing a ten.

A certain feeling comes over me when I feel genuine love and caring from someone. True caring rings directly into my heart with a beautiful, fuzzy, warm feeling.

A certain feeling comes over me when I feel anger. My eyes take on a direct laser-beam focus and my breath deepens in long, slow, steady wide straws as I ascertain what just happened, feel heat rising in my skin and a slow burn emerges into a growl. I use this anger as fuel to take action.

A certain feeling comes over me when I eat something that I was yearning to eat, aligns exactly with what I had in mind to satisfy my hunger. As I chew, I feel a smile on my face.

A certain feeling comes over me when I sit in meditation with the intention of feeling connected to a Higher Power. A tingling sensation on my head is the knock on the door and I breathe and welcome the presence.

My body, mind and spirit talk to me. Yours does too.

A certain feeling comes over me when I’m in the presence of someone who wants something from me to satisfy their own needs. I feel pulled and manipulated and I don’t feel good. My stomach lurches and my energy lowers.

A certain feeling comes over me when I feel fear. My mind starts racing and I feel like I’m in a windstorm, helpless and vulnerable. The lump in my throat grows as I struggle to calm down and feeling my skin prickle.

A certain feeling comes over me when I feel anger at a perceived wrong and choose to be quiet. This anger finds its way inside and closes my heart down, binding my ability to feel and separates me from the outside world.

A certain feeling comes over me when my inner child is triggered and I feel like the world is full of scary big people who are moving too fast, changing the rules and leaving me confused. I feel helpless and afraid. My stomach ache starts.

A certain feeling comes over me when I feel disappointment from someone I trust and am down again. My eyes droop and my mouth turns down as my head hangs low and I walk away abandoned again.

I have been categorizing my feelings for 67 years now. The process happened in stages as I experienced the emotion, reacted to it, recovered, and then they happened again. With time and practice, I recognized and named the emotions because of their repetitive nature and their familiar character traits. Sometimes several emotions come at once and I’m confused until I take the time to separate the pieces and figure out what’s going on.

Through Dr. Susan Jeffers’ research and writing, I’ve learned about my Higher Self and my Lower Self.

My Higher Self represents my connection with my heart. I feel aligned with an intention to be kind to myself and acknowledge my uniqueness. I respect my physical and emotional needs while honoring the choices others make as they meet their needs. I have compassion for myself and all my foibles knowing everyone struggles with their own foibles while pursuing their paths through the process. I believe in making a difference. I find inspiration provokes my passion. I trust my Higher Power and lean into its presence.

My Lower Self represents my fear as I compare myself to everyone around me. I live with a chip on my shoulder always feeling like I have less. I am a victim waiting for the next disappointment because I must deserve it. I argue with life and doubt my success at anything I try because deep down I don’t deserve it. I wait for life to prove to me it’s as terrible as I think it is. I am impatient with things to change, hoping they will and knowing they probably won’t. I find myself obsessing about the bad things that could happen knowing if I think about them, maybe they won’t. I am guilty of taking up space on this earth.

Both my Higher Self and my Lower Self are necessary. It’s easy for me to get stuck in my Lower Self and life feels bleaker. I feel happier in my life when I focus on my Higher Self. Everyone has a choice.

My awareness is the key to help me see where I am in my emotional body so I can identify whether I am existing in my Higher Self or my Lower Self. Once I discover where I am residing, I enhance or I remedy.