My daily meditation practice is a journey of growth for me. I practice letting go every morning, allowing intuition, inspiration, spirit guide me with thoughts, words, impressions to read at 8:35 to begin our 15 minutes of silence. I have one rule and that is to be at my desk by 7:15 and be open. Some days I flow and others I resist and struggle and grunt out my writing.
Today is Autumnal Equinox, a marker of sorts for the onset of ingathering and recognizing this day of balance between the dark and the light. We are tipping into the period of “struggle between darkness and light, death and life. It occurs when the night and day will be equal, and the journey of the Sun to actually get there also signifies the journey of the Universe.”
We have had this experience of the dark night of the soul living the last six months in the throes of the pandemic. Life is changing as we know it. Children are adapting with remarkable ease, unlike me who remembers clearly how life used to be juxtaposed to how it is now. And yet I adapt.
We are all searching for ease in life, ease in our minds and souls. The purpose of the dark night of the soul is to purge that which no longer serves and discover what does serve our highest and best good. We are working towards the Spring Equinox which will bring in more light and illumine new beginnings, new growth and renewal.
This struggle gives me a headache. I realize this headache represents stuck energy in me, blocked by my self-judgment, expectations and inner critique. I’m in the audience again. I’m in a seat watching and waiting for my performance and not liking what I see. It’s importance to seek balance, have self-compassion and respect for this process.
I remember in my childhood figuring out the best way for me to be comfortable in my family life was to become aware of everything I’m doing, catch myself when I’m heading into a storm, correct it and keep watching. I became the vigilante of myself. I thought if I can be the scout and look ahead to be safe, I’ll do it. I parsed my attention between what I was experiencing and what’s coming down the pike.
I have experienced a lot of pain and loss in my life as so many others have. My learning is deepened by every experience. Pain and heartache open my heart to a deeper understanding of what life is all about. Finding my meaning and purpose has been in this breaking open.
Finding meaning and purpose is a deep want in every being on this earth. What do you want to be when you grow up is a question we are asked throughout life. So many of us don’t know until we are broken open and then examine what life means. Finding our inner truth is illuminating.
As a healer, I witness the heartache in others. I also witness the divinity that exists in every person. We are all waking up to our divinity by being broken open. We are each embodying this process no matter where we are in life because we are all one with the universe.
I learned years ago through my spiritual director training, that as life changes on Earth, humanity is deepening its relationship to sacred story. Each of us has a sacred story that represents who we are. Each of us at some point learns to define their sacred story through their breaking-open process to discover inner truth. As we discover our truth, we grow and redefine our values and deepen our relationship with a higher power.
A spiritual director is trained to be a guide in this process no matter what beliefs a seeker holds. We are deep listeners, ask guided questions, hold a place of stillness and safety for seekers to explore themselves and find their own path. We deserve to uncover our sacred story.
Inhale: I allow myself
Exhale: to make mistakes
Inhale: I allow myself