As I walk one day at a time into the unknown future not knowing what to expect while believing I will adapt to the changes at hand, I am struck by the familiarity I see with our new routines. I find comfort in the strangeness day after day. On a walk yesterday I saw a male body-builder all muscled up getting into a car. He was huge, muscles bulging, sleek in his form and so strong -- and he had a mask on. My idea of normalcy is cracked. On a table by my door, waiting ready is my safety gear: mask, gloves, Lysol spray and paper towels protecting me when I make the decision to go out into the public. It feels like a sci-fi novel I read years ago. Yet I adapt. We adapt. I feel an innate trust within myself to find comfort, seek warmth of body and mind, seek solace in my emotions, manipulate my entertainment to distract and ease me, feed my body and manage to sleep amidst all this change. I have built trust and continue to add facets to it as I discover any lacking. There are times I get fixated on news that causes me to step off my center and I know I can find my way back to me.
Trust is a reliability of sorts. I grew up distrusting everything around me due to my childhood circumstances that instilled a sense of fear for my safety and yet now I am safe. I used to carry (no lie) a six-inch hat pin in my purse for protection as a teenager with the worst fears playing themselves out in my head, and yet today I maneuver daily through decisions and directions. (no more hat pin). I ask what the common denominator is? It’s the inherent trust in myself while living my life. I find a way. And when I can’t find a way, I find sources that can guide me toward the directions and decisions I need.
We are all smart, resilient people who are finding our way. It doesn’t mean it is easy. The trials we suffer can be life altering and incredibly devastating. And at the end of the day when I look in the mirror, I look into my eyes and say I am there for you Shirley. I have your back. I love you. It’s taken years for me to build this trust relationship with myself. It is possible. The first step is wanting it and the second step is believing I could get it. Taking time for myself, like meditation, helps a great deal.
There are truths in taking responsibility with our fear Dr. Susan Jeffers writes about in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Taking responsibility “means never blaming anyone else for anything you are being, doing, having or feeling.” Another is “not blaming yourself.” Yet another, becoming aware of our chatterbox and making changes to negative self-talk, and finally being aware of the pay-offs for staying stuck in behavior that does not serve our highest and best good. Bottom line – being responsible. Being responsible means treating myself with the utmost respect and love. Owning any behaviors that have harmed others and forgiving myself for abandoning myself in my pain. It all begins with me.
• It all begins with me. Such a powerful statement. Selfish attitude vs focus on self productively in community. Responsibility for self.
• Meditation so powerful to help us be acutely aware
• Not blaming others.
• I am with you. I will show you the path of light.
• Learning to be advocate for self, supporting others
• Assurance in crazy times
• Going outside surreal, this is life? Some days frustrating, but finding peace.
• Have always complained about lack of time. Did I do this to the universe?
• Here we are every morning, a lot of good coming out of these times.
• Trust this is happening for a reason. Up to me to find the good
• My internal stern protector who has scared me in the past turned into a warm ally, like the protection of a father I never had
• In this group you will be met with light and love
• Trust as a topic good after yesterday's acceptance topic
• Safe at home is trust too